When you get to the point where you are considering (assessing) whether a relationship is healthy, you question whether it's best to stay or let go. This is one of the most challenging questions encountered in relationships. And this question applies to any familial, platonic, or romantic relationship. Staying in toxic relationships keeps you stuck in negative behavioral patterns and cycles that most begin to normalize. Therefore, correctly identifying when to let go, accepting the decision (not fighting it), and seeking closure will save you years of struggle, especially if you ever intend to start and maintain a healthy and successful relationship in the future. Therefore, I have developed this post to support navigating that question.
Here are 3 stages to embrace when you've recognized the need to move on.
I. The End
It's no surprise that typically, at the point you start questioning whether it's the end of a relationship, it's likely the end. But, likely, you won't accept it. However, you certainly felt the end approaching. Yet, most of the time, we try to distance ourselves from the reality of it. That is the time you need to acknowledge the end. You can do one of two things: recognize that it's time to end the connection and prepare for the separation period. You can also try to confront and address the concerns that got you to this point. If the relationship is worth saving, try rectifying the miscommunication and turmoil. But once you realize that the issues are irreconcilable, do yourself a favor and embrace the end.
II. The Separation (Acceptance)
After you recognize and accept the end, you are ready for the separation stage necessary to move on. Embracing the separation is a critical stage of accepting the reality of the relationship. This is important because you allow yourself time to deal with the aspects of the relationship that caused it to end and become okay with the fact that there were elements of the relationship that were not healthy. The separation stage provides you perspective but can be tricky getting adjusted to losing someone you had been connected to. So it is crucial to understand that the longer the connection, the more challenging and longer this stage may be. But if you are doing it right, you will be able to own your faults and accept those of the other person. Ultimately, as you forgive yourself for your faults, you can extend grace to forgive the other party as well, permitting you to accept what is and embrace the new.
III. Embracing the New
Accepting and forgiving before this stage sets you up to shift your perspective and embrace the need to move on. Moving on in a sense that you recognize the value in your new normal. Meaning, you start to get adjusted to not having that individual in your life as they once were, you've embraced the lessons and opened yourself up to cultivating a new normal in their absence. You're able to coexist without frustration, hate, insecurity, or anger. You are able to accept a new dynamic, whatever that may look like.
Every period/stage before this one essentially helps prepare you to learn to coexist in an adaptive (healthy) way. Coexisting is the ultimate lesson of moving on. When you can coexist with your former partner without anger, sadness, etc., you allow yourself to process the break-up as a lesson.
When you embrace the new, you allow those lessons to make you a better partner, family member, or friend for any future relationships.
Navigating these stages enables your ability to recognize and move on from toxic relationships more easily!
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