Studies have confirmed higher self esteem and confidence leads to more happiness. Here are 18 ways to increase both.
One of the many things that confidence and happiness have in common is the upper hand you have in both.
With strategies as simple as finding gratitude in small achievements, practicing healthier lifestyles, and engaging in favorite activities, one can become both happy and confident.
Happiness and confidence are both key aspects of positive psychology and are often linked to each other in that, confident people appear happier and happy people also appear confident.
Research seems to strongly agree that the two are interconnected. Then self-esteem comes into play.
There’s the tendency to relate high self-esteem with happiness and confidence, and low self-esteem with low levels of happiness and insecurity. Although some correlation is evident, there’s evidence to strongly disagree with the absolute interdependence.
So, what is confidence? What is happiness? What is the relationship between the two and where does self-esteem come in?
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Keep reading to find this out and also gain insight into actionable strategies to help boost your happiness and confidence.
What Is Confidence?
Confidence refers to a realistic and secure belief in someone or something. When that belief is in yourself and your abilities and is also reinforced by the willingness to be actionable, then it becomes self-confidence.
Confidence shouldn’t be confused with narcissism though.
Confidence builds on the realistic recognition of one’s capabilities and competence while reflecting on and acknowledging one’s own insecurities.
Narcissism, on the other hand, rides on an exaggerated sense of self-worth fueled by inner insecurities and the need to exercise superiority over other people.
How Self Confidence Benefits You
In addition to the general good feeling that comes with self-confidence, various aspects of your life including relationships, career, and family stand to benefit.
Below are 5 ways in which self-confidence positively impacts your life.
Better Power Of Persuasion
Have you ever been in a situation where some persuasion was needed and you thought someone else would do better than you? Why?
Did it have something to do with the fact that they appeared more credible and convincing?
Self-confident people are better at persuading people, selling ideas, negotiating deals, and motivating others.
Better Chance Of Success
When you feel confident in yourself and your abilities, you are likely to concentrate more on exploiting your full potential and less on worrying about failure.
Self-confidence also gives you the courage to stand up for yourself, ask the right questions, stretch your limits, and make timely decisions. All these traits work together to give you better performance and success.
Wholesome Relationships
Confident people are self-assured and better at forming both social and commercial or financial relationships.
This is because they not only realize their own worth and the value they offer but also understand and appreciate what they stand to gain from others.
When it comes down to putting your foot down in a relationship that does not benefit you, self-confidence is what will give you the willpower to walk away.
Nurturing Positive Thinking
When you believe in your skills and the ability to handle various circumstances, you encourage a positive attitude that nurtures positive thinking.
Positive thinking is scientifically linked to a longer life, fewer cases of depression, better health, and better coping skills in stressful situations.
Ability To Bounce Back
Confident people are rarely put down by challenges, mistakes, or failures. While all these are part of life, continued belief in your abilities helps you view them as learning opportunities or temporary setbacks rather than the death of your progress.
With time, this kind of confidence builds resilience that helps you to handle whatever life throws at you with less fear and anxiety.
How To Build Confidence
You could look at confidence wholesomely or in part. For example, you could feel confident in your work but still feel lousy when it comes to your appearance or people skills.
Regardless of the area of your life that you feel insecure about, the tips below can help you up your level of self-confidence.
1. Appreciate Small Achievements
There’s power in small wins! Big wins are exhilarating but they are not as common as the small ones, unfortunately.
Research published in the Harvard Business Review shows that small milestones or incremental progress have a significant effect on people’s engagement in work.
Even when such progress doesn’t have a major impact on the overall project, it boosts both happiness and self-esteem.
This may call on you to break your projects or goals into bite-sized pieces. As you make every small win, the feeling of achievement helps you to build your confidence little by little.
In the long run, you can make bolder and more confident steps.
2. Practice Positive Self-Affirmations
Positive affirmations(link) are positive self-talk. These are phrases you keep telling yourself in order to alter your subconscious thoughts towards positive thinking. Affirmations can help you manage stress and combat self-doubt, fear, and anxiety.
Some of the benefits of affirmation include repairing self-worth, self-esteem, and self-belief, all of which contribute to building your confidence.
Notably, affirmations are not magic spells that give you the ability to do things you couldn’t do before; they are meant to acknowledge the reality of a feeling, situation, or trait but also recognize and invoke your inner abilities to stay in control.
3. Cut Yourself Some Slack
Have you experienced some setbacks, failure, or other negative experiences lately? It is just normal for you to suffer fear, frustration, and sadness.
The problem comes with dwelling on the negative emotions and beating yourself about your experience for too long.
It is perfectly okay to accept mistakes as part of life, cut yourself some slack, and move on.
According to research published in Academic Journals, taking responsibility for your actions coupled with a little self-compassion will not only steer you towards constructive problem solving but will also help restore your self-confidence.
4. Be Straightforward With People
Saying no takes lots of confidence. Whenever you turn someone down, you may need to overcome feelings of guilt. There’s also the fear of upsetting someone, letting them down, getting in trouble, or losing a friendship.
These are just some of the reasons why many people end up trapped in cycles where they feel the need to say yes to every request made by people around them.
Saying no may or may not result in the above but there’s not enough reason to drown yourself in other people’s tasks at the expense of your own needs.
Being straightforward with people, on the other hand, and helping them at your convenience is a great way to maintain your self-worth and build your confidence.
5. Engage In Music
Whether yours is singing, listening to music, or playing a musical instrument, music has a way of uplifting your mood and improving your self-confidence.
Listening to uplifting music boosts self-esteem which correlates with both happiness and self-confidence.
Singing and playing music take you to an even higher level of confidence. It engages your brain in ways that push you to be skillful, creative, disciplined, and smarter.
At times, the need to work with others will prompt the development of social skills.
Engaging in any form of music stimulates the production of oxytocin, a hormone associated with feelings of happiness and positive feelings, and dopamine which creates feelings of reward and wellbeing.
6. Deal With Your Fears
Your fears have a way of weighing you down, draining your self-worth, and tanking your confidence. Denying the existence of your fears or procrastinating only makes you feel worse. Fortunately, you can regain your confidence by facing your fears head-on.
You start this by pinpointing the exact cause of your fear and taking action to address it. This will probably make you anxious at first and you might even make a few mistakes.
With determination and self-belief, though, even the slightest of progress will boost your confidence.
7. Don’t Look For Validation In Others
Have you tried to compare yourself with others? Sometimes, as research has shown, comparison with others may motivate you to improve if that’s the motive behind it.
Other times though, especially when what you are looking for is validation, you risk ending up frustrated, dissatisfied, and envious.
You can overcome the need to constantly draw comparisons and improve your self-confidence by recognizing and appreciating your uniqueness, strengths, and weaknesses.
8. Try To Be More Decisive
There is a strong relationship between indecision and lack of confidence. Lack of confidence leads to indecision or self-doubt and you cannot take confident steps when you are indecisive.
If you find the need to keep asking your best friend and other people for their thoughts before deciding what to wear to dinner, what to include in grocery shopping, and which movie or TV program to watch, there is a likelihood of being indecisive even in major life decisions.
You can start with the simple decisions, set boundaries on what to consult about, then trust your gut and inner voice.
Further, taking your time, weighing your emotions, appreciating the possibility of errors and mistakes, and anticipating possible outcomes can help you become more decisive.
9. Embrace Some Self Love and Care
If you practice self-love and care, you start taking pride in yourself. Taking care of yourself encompasses the adoption of healthy habits that keep you mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially healthy.
Eating nutrient-rich food comprising the major food groups keeps your heart healthy, your body strong, and your weight in check. This not only uplifts your mood but also your confidence.
You can further enhance the results and encourage positive emotions through exercise, meditation, and enough sleep.
10. Filter What You Feed Your Mind With
What do you spend time reading, listening to, or watching? This is what you are feeding your mind with. If you end up in bad moods, depressed, or feeling lousy about yourself, then whatever you are consuming is not good for you.
To start feeling confident, choose content that inspires you, uplifts your spirits, and makes you feel positive. Watch and follow people who have excelled in areas you want to do better in and learn a few things to help you achieve your goals.
I recommend coming up with a list of movies or TV shows that resonate with your well-being. Usually, people make the mistake of assuming that you must listen to the news, politics, and the like.
For your own happiness, you don’t have to follow anything that depresses you, just to stay updated on the world’s happenings.
What is Happiness?
Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychology researcher, demystifies happiness through scientific research. In her book, ‘The How of Happiness’, happiness is defined as “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.”
Going by her take, it is clear that happiness is not just a feel-good sensation but also overall contentment in your life. What this means is that to be happy, all the elements of a purposeful life have to complement each other.
Ways To Improve Happiness
With the above definition of happiness in mind, you have to be strategic in your day-to-day life to maintain happiness.
To help you in this undertaking, practice the joy-enforcing strategies below.
1. Revel In The Joys Of Life
Not everything that happens in your life brings joy. However, at the end of every day, you have the choice of what to fill your mind with. Lasting happiness calls for savoring the positive things in life.
The pleasures may be short-lived but it’s possible to prolong the feeling by keeping it alive in your mind. If you are feeling down, just look back at the good things that happened and learn to practice gratitude.
Did a colleague compliment your dress? Savor that feeling, let it wash over you again.
2. Do What Engages You
An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
This adage is especially true when one is looking for true happiness: Keep yourself engaged in activities that uplift your spirit.
If not, your mind is bound to wander towards the dark and soul-draining things around you.
If it’s music that makes your heart soar high, turn up the dial! If you are at work and don’t really love certain aspects, just dive deep into your assignments. The idea is to be engaged enough not to drift to the negative aspects of your work life.
3. Engage In Acts Of Kindness
Being kind to those around you is a clever strategy for staying happy. Kindness is fulfilling, whether the benefiting party acknowledges the act or not.
Helping a neighbor mow their lawn during your off day may require planning and allotting time, but you can show kindness on the move, such as helping an elderly person cross the road.
Acts of kindness can also be directed towards a cause. For example, donating blood or contributing to the refugee effort. Whatever the activity, this is something that you can look back at and feel happy about yourself.
4. Figure out How To Go Past the Bad
If life was easy, there would be ear-to-ear grins all over. The simple fact is that life is an uphill journey regardless of your mental health, marital status, or level of income.
This is why it helps to find ways of coping with the bad. Be it insecurities about your self-worth or a feeling of self-doubt, find the confidence to leave behind the bad and move on to your happy place.
5. Find Spirituality
Spirituality can help you become more grounded, confident, and happy. There are many happiness-centric values that are deeply entrenched in almost all religions. Such include love, kindness, self-control, and gentleness.
However, not everyone subscribes to organized religion and the accompanying dogmas. If you fall under this category, know that you don’t have to be religious to be spiritual.
Read through different religious texts and pick up values that help build self-esteem and confidence.
6. Work On Your Mental Health
According to psychology, mental health includes everything from your emotions to social well-being. It is the driving force on how you deal with stress, make choices, and engage with others.
Further, the CDC reports that poor mental health, coupled with stress, can affect job productivity and engagement with your work.
With such vital functions that affect your self esteem and happiness, you need to improve your mental health at every turn.
Go for a healthy lifestyle and keep off negative thoughts. Additionally, work on your physical health as a way of taking care of your emotional health; the two are interconnected.
7. Define And Stick To Your Goals
Is your lack of happiness due to low self esteem? Try coming up with a list of goals and devote your life to achieving them.
Goals make it easy to remain focused on the next moment rather than past failures. Such focus also helps in cultivating the right relationships for interpersonal success.
8. Forgive And Forget
It might seem like a cliche, but forgiving and moving on is one of the simplest ways of staying happy. The reason being that taking offense and holding on to grudges can really make you miserable.
And while the forgiving part is not easy, it can be learnt. Start by naming the resentment that you carry around and decide on what to do about it.
For example, if you suffer from low self esteem, find its cause. Is it childhood trauma? If so, can therapy help and do you need to confront your abuser? It is only after you have gone through the process that you can truly move on.
The Relationship Between Confidence And Happiness
Research links higher levels of confidence and self-esteem to happiness. A study that involved 88 volunteers comprising office workers sought to investigate factors behind work ability and general subjective well-being or happiness.
The study concluded that an increase in self-confidence directly and positively affected both work ability and happiness.
It also works the other way around; happy people are more likely to have a positive outlook on life, which makes it easier to build confidence in their abilities.
Nevertheless, in addition to happiness, factors such as optimism, fulfillment of needs, and life satisfaction with academic and professional achievements play key roles in the lives of confident people.
Is There A Link Between High Self-Esteem And Happiness?
Simply put, self esteem is having a positive regard about yourself. It all has to do with being your best fan and valuing everything you do.
As such, it is impossible to be deeply and truly happy if you do not regard yourself as worthy of your friends, family, workplace, and the public in general.
Why? High self esteem requires unyielding belief in your worth, both in a group setting and when left on your own.
That said, low self esteem does not necessarily relegate you being unhappy. To illustrate, here is a look at a psychological study on the relationship between self esteem and happiness.
Dr. Lyubomirsky and Tkach (M.A) of the University of California sampled 621 subjects. The parameters of the study involved happiness and self worth of people working in a large utility company. From the responses, some of the predictors of happiness include:
- Optimism
- Feeling satisfied
- The need to be around others
- Good moods
- Being free of pain
The above traits point to high self esteem. Nonetheless, the study concluded that it is possible to be happy even with low self esteem. “Happiness is not a trait that can completely define a person’s self-worth and that the two traits – happiness and self-esteem – can exist independently.” (Lyubomirsky, 2004)
Rosenberg Self Esteem Scale (RSES) is widely used in Social Sciences research to gauge the level of self esteem. The RSES tool uses a scale of 0-30 where scores below 15 indicate problematic or low self-esteem.
How Is Self Esteem Related To Confidence?
It is common to use self esteem and confidence interchangeably, this is despite the fact that they are different.
Self esteem deals with your place in the world as a person with unique beliefs. On the other hand, self confidence has to do with your capabilities to carry out tasks or relate with others without doubts.
Ideally, self esteem can remain high even in the face of uncertainties about your abilities in certain circumstances. The feeling is determined by past experience and is usually deeply entrenched into your personality.
In contrast, confidence can shift depending on what you are currently going through or looking forward to. The feeling is also subject to skills and academic prowess.
It follows that confidence is something that you can build on by learning to be better in your undertakings.
Conclusion
Happiness and confidence are both key aspects of positive psychology. The two traits work closely to help you achieve social, mental, and emotional wellbeing.
The good news is that where either happiness or confidence lacks, there are many strategies you can employ to regain it.
Equally important is self-esteem, another trait that is not only closely related to self-confidence and happiness but also another reflection of how you view yourself.
If you can work towards improving all these three traits, you will have set yourself up for growth and success both as an individual and as part of a larger community.