25 common warning signs of disrespect in your marriage that you should never ignore.
Respect is at the core of every kind of healthy relationship. It makes every party feel valued, acknowledged, and accepted regardless of their feelings, opinions, values, and ideas.
Many resources indicate that respect precedes love when it comes down to building strong and lasting relationships and I tend to agree.
Think of it this way; you can have deep respect for someone you don’t love but you would have a hard time convincing anyone that you truly love them if you don’t respect them.
The same case applies to marriage. When spouses share mutual respect, loving each other becomes effortless.
And because respect impacts all other aspects of marriage such as kids, family members, finances, responsibilities, friends, and investments, they thrive as long as respect prevails.
In contrast, disrespect in marriage can wreck not only your relationship but all the above aspects.
If you can spot the signs of disrespect early enough, you might give your marriage a fighting chance.
Still, it is worth noting that though some signs are clear and common, others are so subtle and deceptive that you will need a second look to spot them.
This post lists 25 signs of disrespectful behavior in your marriage. Also, I have shared 3 actionable tips to help you do something about it.
Related Posts
1. Making Fun of a Partner
Whether you are in a romantic relationship or married, people playfully tease or make fun of each other from time to time.
Simple, friendly, and lighthearted teasing is in fact encouraged as a way to build affection and closeness in marriage. After all, life shouldn’t be too serious, don’t you agree?
Teasing is, however, considered to have gone too far when your partner chooses words or a topic that you are sensitive about.
It is also a clear sign of disrespect when teasing is done with the intention of making fun of you in front of others or is repeated with total disregard for your hurt feelings.
2. Making Major Decisions Without Consultation
Marriage is a legally binding relationship. This means that whatever decisions any of you makes affects the other.
Not consulting about significant decisions about things such as your residence, how you relate with family and friends, the use of your finances, and your careers is considered disrespectful behavior.
If, for example, one of you accepts a job that requires them to reside in a different state or locality without informing the other, that would show total disregard for the views and sentiment of the other, not to mention the impact of that decision on the well-being of the relationship.
3. Defensive Behavior
Defensive behavior involves shifting the responsibility of a mistake from one’s self to another person to avoid criticism or ending up being in the wrong. Another phrase used to describe the behavior is passing the buck.
As the name suggests, this behavior is a defense mechanism a person employs so that they don’t feel hurt or attacked.
In marriage, it is among the most common signs of disrespect for a spouse’s sentiments. When a partner passes the buck for something they did, it becomes harder to engage in an honest conversation and constructive criticism.
This further compounds the couple’s ability to solve conflicts.
4. Lack of Respect for Family Members and Friends
It is unlikely for someone to get along with all family members and friends on the husband’s or wife’s side. Nevertheless, this shouldn’t have to escalate to hate, rudeness, or lack of tolerance.
A respectful partner puts effort into maintaining a cordial and polite relationship with people that matter in your life.
That said, it is your responsibility to ensure that your spouse is accorded the same kind of respect to keep other people from taking advantage.
5. Deception
Deception can manifest in many forms. Whether it is telling blatant lies, distorting the truth to suit a narrative, displaying false emotions to manipulate someone, or the tendency to hide things, as long as someone isn’t 100% honest, it is all deception.
When you find out that you have been deceived, you are likely to feel disrespected, undervalued, and taken for granted. Needless to say, your relationship is in jeopardy.
Honesty is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship. It not only shows respect and trust for self and others but is also a great way to attract the same.
6. Refusal to acknowledge or Introduce a Spouse
Have you been on an occasion- could be a family gathering, a party, a formal dinner, or an event with other people besides you and your spouse- and your partner conveniently forgot to introduce you every single time?
One time? Understandable. Repeatedly? That is another story. If they don’t acknowledge or introduce you to friends, family, colleagues, and acquaintances, it is a clear sign of disrespect- could be you are not that important.
The same is true if they don’t care to invite you in on conversations or acknowledge your input whenever they are in the company of others.
7. Lack of Flexibility
Marriage is made of two people who could be different in every possible way including views, opinions, takes on life, dreams, and goals.
In order for the relationship to thrive and the marriage to be successful, the partners need to find some middle ground and that calls for flexibility.
The opposite of flexibility, which is rigidity, may mean that only one partner is compromising.
This is extremely disrespectful and could result in the loss of individuality, unfulfilled dreams, and eventual resentment for the uncompromising spouse.
8. Disregarding Financial Security
A partner may disregard financial security by overspending, not meeting their end of financial obligation, manipulating the lesser-earning partner, or making financial decisions without consulting their partner.
This kind of disrespect in a marriage can destroy the relationship as well as lead to money-related problems such as debt, loss of property, and inability to meet the family’s needs.
9. Refusal to Admit Wrongdoing
Everyone makes mistakes and a marriage setting is no different. When a mistake happens, each partner is expected to own up to their part in order for the couple to fix things and move forward.
With this kind of attitude, it is even possible to heal your relationship after a fight.
Contrarily, people use different tactics to escape their mistakes and the consequences.
Besides defensive behavior which I covered earlier, a partner may insist they are right even when all the facts prove otherwise. Experts link this to a fragile ego that results from ‘psychological rigidity’.
Such a partner will put great effort to convince you and themselves of the same, insulting your intelligence in the process and leaving you feeling disrespected.
10. Put-Downs
If you have never felt little or insignificant, try dating someone who puts you down (link). Worse still, marry one!
Put-downs are dished in behavior that openly or subtly diminishes a person’s views, feelings, opinions, or actions.
A partner can put you down in order to exert control on you, instill self-doubt, and gain a false sense of accomplishment. It is a very demeaning sign of disrespect.
11. Reveling in Derogatory Comments
Respecting our spouses compels us to use polite, loving, and sensitive language even when we are pointing out the not-so-good aspects of their lives.
For example, a statement like ‘that’s the dumbest speech I have ever heard’ can instantly tank your significant other’s confidence, especially when it is said in the presence of others.
There’s always a better and more respectful way to say something.
Think of this instead, ‘I like how comprehensive your speech is. However, in order to capture people’s attention more, you can make the language a bit more engaging.’
The same goes for comments related to a partner’s age, body shape, body size, appearance, or topics they are sensitive about. They should gravitate towards respect and further away from verbal abuse.
12. Ignoring Each Other’s Need for Safety
Another not-so-common trait of a disrespectful partner is carelessness in regard to their partner’s safety.
Are you married to someone who thinks danger and excitement should always go hand in hand?
I’m talking about someone whose idea of fun includes the likes of bull-riding, motorbike racing, downhill mountain biking, and driving at a dangerously fast speed.
While that might be the case and it might not be commendable to squash their individuality and personal habits, they should respect you enough to not expose you to danger as well.
When it comes to such issues, married couples should come to an agreement on what is acceptable and what is not.
13. Giving the Silent Treatment
Silent treatment is a big deal in married couples. It is like an invisible wall between two people that can make spending time together feel uncomfortable and awkward.
The person giving it clearly harbors bottled-up emotions while the partner on the receiving end feels helpless.
It is among the most extreme signs of disrespect as it creates more emotional distance and wrecks your relationship by the day.
14. Broken Promises
Many promises are made in marriage. Some are made in the spur of a moment and others after great thought and meditation. Regardless of the circumstances, promises are commitments that should be kept.
Broken promises are a sign of disrespect. They can make someone feel emotionally cheated, unimportant, and disappointed.
Such partners are also likely to develop a lack of trust and respect for the promise-breaker which can gradually break the relationship to an irreparable state.
15. Violating Set Boundaries
Boundaries are important for each partner’s own well-being in a marriage. They give each person an opportunity to be themselves, and to work on their self-esteem and self-care without unnecessary influence.
When well set and enforced, healthy boundaries nurture mutual and self-respect. They also reduce disagreement and the tendency for partners to take undue advantage of each other.
When boundaries are crossed (link), it is a violation of personal space and a sign of disrespect in a relationship.
16. Mistrust
The moment mistrust starts creeping into marriage, either respect took an earlier exit or it will, soon enough. The two are intertwined in a way that one cannot exist without the other in a relationship.
Mistrust in marriage can result from many factors, some of them deeply rooted in a person’s nature and others born out of their experiences.
Nevertheless, it is an indication of disrespect in a relationship if your partner refuses to trust you despite your effort to earn their trust.
17. Selfishness
Selfishness is what leads to a one-sided relationship where one partner keeps giving and giving while not getting much in return.
It makes sense that the partner whose needs are rarely met will eventually be too drained and exhausted to keep giving, more so, in a marriage where parties vow to share their lifetimes.
This is disrespectful and detrimental- respect demands that the needs of both partners be equally met.
18. Not Putting in Quality Time
Regardless of how busy life gets, creating time to spend with each other is important for married people. Research indicates that quality time together is a prerequisite for a happy marriage.
It is during this time that the partners can engage in activities that are important to them, get to know each other more deeply, and have unhurried conversations.
This may call on both of them to sacrifice a little personal space, reschedule activities, or even reduce time spent with other people just to accommodate each other. Now, that is respect.
Further, this translates to appreciating the time that you set aside to spend together by being there on time and avoiding possible distractions.
Not putting in the time, on the other hand, is both disrespectful and inconsiderate.
19. Invalidation of Feelings and Opinions
Our feelings and opinions will be different from those of others, even the people we are in love with and married to.
That said, it would be too much, selfish even, to expect our significant others to always agree with them or see things the way we do.
What we would want maybe, would be an acknowledgment that our sentiments are valid and understood. Being dismissed because of how we feel is a sign of disrespect.
20. Dismissing Important Events
Important events for people who are married can include marriage anniversaries, birthdays, family events, and anniversaries for important milestones.
They can also be special arrangements that the two of you have made to keep your relationship alive and healthy such as date nights, getaways, and outdoor adventures.
These are good opportunities for the couple to spend time with each other, strengthen their bond, reminisce on the past, and celebrate their achievements.
Not giving such events the kind of attention they deserve is a sign of disrespect for a partner and what the marriage represents.
21. Emotional Abuse
There are many forms of emotional abuse including verbal abuse, power plays, withholding affection, false accusations, and silent treatment.
All these behaviors are synonymous with toxic relationships. While some are easy to spot, others are evasive and manipulative in a way that’s harder to pinpoint until they start to do a number on your self-esteem and mental health.
In a healthy relationship, the emotional well-being of each partner is a priority and so a partner who jeopardizes this is certainly disrespectful.
22. Poor Communication
Free, open, and honest communication in marriage reduces the space between partners. With communication, each of the parties feels safe expressing themselves in both actions and words, which contributes to building a healthy marriage.
Good communication also means proper timing, great listening skills, open-mindedness, attention to each other’s verbal and non-verbal cues, and empathetic and respectful response.
A partner’s lack of communication skills might not be entirely their fault but failure to work on them for the betterment of the relationship is among the common signs of disrespect in marriage.
23. Absconding from Duties and Responsibilities
In order to build a healthy marriage, the roles of each partner should be defined and fulfilled.
This encompasses everything from legal obligations to couple-specific roles. Legally, it can be financial support, bringing up the kids, the use of family assets, or the payment of joint pensions.
Couples can also come up with their own arrangements to ensure that things move smoothly in their life together. Such things include savings, expenditure, sharing of household chores, child-care, and taking care of other dependents.
Absconding from such roles is disrespectful to all involved and a big hindrance to the success of the marriage.
24. Neglect of Self Care
Prioritizing self-care can help improve relationships in numerous ways. A partner who takes care of their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs gets happiness and satisfaction from within themselves.
Self-care puts someone in a place where they are able to offer the best of themselves to the marriage. A popular excuse that people use for not caring for themselves in relationships is that they are too busy meeting the needs of others to have time for anything personal.
In an actual sense, respect should start with one’s own needs, then it can be extended to others. Neglecting self-care is one of the less obvious signs of disrespect in a relationship.
25. Sexually Suggestive Behavior with Other People
Unless you have agreed with your partner to have an open relationship or marriage, it is disrespectful behavior for either of the partners to be sexually suggestive with people outside of the relationship.
Whether it is exchanging sexual jokes, stories, texts, or images, touching, hugging, whistling, or commenting, anything that makes the other partner uncomfortable may count as disrespect, particularly when they have already voiced their concerns.
What to Do About Disrespectful Behavior in Marriage
Acts of disrespect are common in any normal relationship. It is what you do about them that either makes things worse or puts the two of you on the path to mutual respect.
In my opinion, and many experts will agree with me, you should never tolerate disrespect (link) no matter how subtle or how excusable it seems. The sooner you deal with it, the faster you can nip it in the bud.
I have covered quite a number of signs of disrespect in a relationship above and you can address whichever you are dealing with individually.
To nudge you in the right direction, I have shared 3 tips that cut across different situations that feel disrespectful
1. Recognize Disrespect for What it Is
The first step to dealing with disrespect in a relationship of any kind is being aware of its existence.
This means not denying or excusing disrespect but calling it as it is, acknowledging all the emotions and feelings that come with it, and making a conscious decision to not tolerate it.
2. Talk about It Openly
Talking to a partner about disrespect needs to be done as soon as possible. Waiting until it has become a habit can make it harder to undo.
Nevertheless, you need to be aware that acts of disrespect can be both intentional and unintentional. Sometimes, all you need is to point it out for your spouse to become a better person.
Other times, you need to explain it more clearly, relay your feelings, as well as help your partner know what you would prefer instead.
While at it, please note that talking about it also means listening to your partner and seeing things from their perspective.
Forge a Way Forward
It is possible for a marriage to survive disrespectful behavior as long as both parties are willing to work together to fix things.
Where there are emotional and behavioral issues, experts such as a licensed clinical social worker can help through the process.
Otherwise, the two of you can work with a professional counselor to come up with workable strategies.
Lastly, forging a way forward might mean realizing that you are not going to get the kind of respect you are looking for and choosing to walk away from the relationship.
Conclusion
Disrespect in marriage or relationships can manifest in all the above signs. If you have been seeing any of them and wondering if it’s all in your imagination, now you know.
It takes courage not to sweep things under the rug and to actually see disrespect for what it is, and no, nobody has to put up with it.
Partners in marriage can always get the help they need and work towards a strong marriage. From there, the ball is in your court.