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Life before Gratitude
Not so very long ago, I was a very pessimistic person. I didn’t think of myself as pessimistic of course, I thought of myself as a realist, someone who saw the world as it is and not through some rose tinted glasses. People also frequently called me an angry person, and although I didn’t think that I was an angry person, I have to admit that I was not a happy person either. I was quick to feel that life was unfair and too demanding, and way more chaotic than I could handle.
For me, life sucked! Plain and simple.
Read more about my own journey towards becoming more confident and positive.
I dealt with this by “venting”. Well, venting is just what you call moaning with the goal of “getting it out of your system”. But you know what; all that venting (read moaning) just made me experience the thing that bothered me all over again. Instead of letting it go, by talking about it in a negative way, I was instead giving the problem energy and power, it wasn’t leaving my system, it was sprouting roots and growing!
Why you should Practise Gratitude if you want to become more Positive and Confident
How did it affect my life?
This made me a very negative person. Well, again old me would insist that I was at best neutral, at worst pessimistic, but if you are not a positive person, then you must by default be a negative person. I am most definitely a positive person now so when I look back I can see just how negative I used to be, regardless of my protestations of “neutrality”.
And you know what; no-one likes a negative person. They drain the life right out of us. They always have something to moan about, some drama is just one more piece of proof that they are unlucky, doomed, with no control over their own lives. I know because I was that person!
I acted like a victim, someone who has life happen TO them, not someone who creates their own life or happiness.
How did I become more Grateful?
To be honest, I didn’t set out to change. I didn’t even set out to become more positive. But I was reading (ok listening as I love Audible) to Thank & Grow Rich by Pam Grout, and it’s all about Gratitude. So I thought I’d try this gratitude thing. I can see my first entry was around the 13th of August 2018 (at that point I was using the Day One app on my iPhone), where I made a long list of things I was grateful for, starting with coffee and that I was on the late shift so I could sleep in (the early shift starts at 7am). I put everything on there I could think of, including socks, “trainers on my feet” (that’s literally what I wrote ☺ ), my team at work being awesome, and the fact I remembered an umbrella in case it rained. But to be honest, I then left it at that.
It wasn’t until a few months later when I bought a little notebook (and a cute little pen) that I began to more seriously list what I was grateful for. And I started doing this before going to bed, deliberately setting time aside for this, even just 5 minutes, to write down a few things, even though there was a lot of repetition back then (ok still are), things that will come up every day – coffee is a firm favourite and seem to make the top of the list EVERY DAY, so is the love my boyfriend and I have for each other, and being healthy.
It wasn’t long before I realised that by doing it before bedtime, I went to sleep every night super happy and relaxed. Everything that bothered me during the day got put aside by focussing instead on the good.
I should be very clear though, I wasn’t just making a list using pen and paper, I was deliberately feeling the emotion of gratitude as well. Once I have made my list, I would close my eyes, and do a quick little prayer. I did at first call it a meditation, but the more I did it, and the amount of uplifting emotions it inspired, made me feel it’s more of a prayer than just a meditation.
I would close my eyes, relax my body, then deliberately reach out to the Universe, God, my Higher Self, whatever you want to call it, and then I would say thank you. I would give myself over to that Higher Power, and I would simply let go of my stress, worries and anxiety. I would give all my trust to that Higher Power to look after me and take care of me.
It made me feel warm, loved and taken care of. I felt that I could trust that Power to only bring good things over my life, that no matter how life seemed to go wrong, there was a bigger purpose out there, and as long as I trusted and was patient, a far better thing would come to me.
And so I want to bed every night grateful, relaxed, feeling loved and cared for, and HAPPY!
It’s hard to NOT be happy when you feel so much love!
But one day it occurred to that if it’s that great to fall asleep feeling so happy and positive, and frankly, euphoric, why wait until the end of the day? Why go through my crappy day only to have to take time out at bedtime to release that angst? Why not skip right to the front of the queue and instead START my day in a positive and happy mood?
So from that day on, I deliberately take 5-10 min every single day, first thing in the morning, for positive thinking and feeling. I have a reminder on my phone for early in the morning. And when I miss that time slot, I’ll do it around lunch, or while at the copy machine at work, in the shower, while brushing my teeth, and, once or twice, simply sitting at my desk and quickly closing my eyes to do it. It is now a habit! I have managed to create a new positive habit where I deliberately think good, uplifting, positive, healing, happy thoughts.
This means that every day is now a good day for me because that’s how I start it. It really gives new meaning to the phrase “Start as you mean to go on!”.
Look, I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t overnight, it took a few weeks. And not really every day is a good day, I do still have bad days, negative days full of problems and drama where the world seem so unfair and unjust, but they are few and far between. Literally weeks can now go by without me having a bad day.
What was the ultimate result? How has my life changed?
These days, I still practise gratitude on a regular basis. I also practise positive thinking, deliberate positive thinking. I take time out once a day, ideally in the morning before my day starts, to remind myself of all the good in the world, how amazing my life really is, how much I have to be thankful for, how many people love me and care about my happiness, and that I have the power within me to change the world around me. Because when you can change the way you see yourself in the world without the world really having changed, it’s as if you are changing your own life, directly affecting the outcome of today or tomorrow.
A friend had the argument that maybe it’s all in my head, and I see his point, but it’s more than that.
By believing in my own power, I’ve been able to have the confidence to try new things, to say yes to opportunities I never before thought I would be successful at, to understand that really I can be successful at anything. What stood in my way before was simply a lack of trust in myself, but when you trust yourself and you trust the universe to bring only good things into your life, suddenly you understand that you CAN do anything you set your mind to. It really is all in your head, but that self-believe has a real physical impact on the world around you. When you DO things, when you say YES to opportunities, it’s not just you who feel more positive and happy, you really ARE changing the world around you.
I now approach each and every day with the knowledge that I can succeed at anything as long as I want to, I can change the world around me, I can change my own emotions, I can overcome my fears, I can create a loving environment for myself and my loved ones, and I can make a difference in not just my own life, but the lives of others.
I am happier, at peace, I have more self-confidence and self-esteem, I love my life, I am excited about the future, I feel genuinely loved and that I deserve to be loved, I am kinder and more generous and, to be truthful to myself, I am more likeable. I am a nicer, better human being now than ever before.
It’s like a super power really. All those years of complaining, to now DOING, taking charge, owning my power, being happy and at peace and successful. How is that not a super power, tell me!
Also read how I became more confident and gained self-esteem.
What did I learn from this experience?
This whole experience has taught me so much. It has taught me that first of all, you CAN teach an old dog new tricks (ha-ha woof!), but more importantly, you can change yourself into a better person, a better version of you.
I’ve learned that something small, and quick, done regularly can have a tremendous impact on your life. At no point was this really hard work, all I had to do was for 5 min deliberately direct my thoughts towards gratitude. There was no great effort required on my part. The hardest thing I can think of was that sometimes I would be really tired and that 5min seemed like a long time, but I would do it, set a 5min timer on my phone, quickly write down a few things I feel grateful for, close my eyes, relax my body, remind myself of all those things, and let myself feel. Then my 5min timer would go off and I would simply turn the light off and go to sleep, but I would go to sleep so much happier than I would otherwise have done.
I’ve learned that I can change the way I see the world. Previously life seemed so unfair, chaotic, unjust, ugly, but now, even though my life hasn’t really changed, I’m still at the same company and living in the same tiny apartment, suddenly life seems so much nicer, people seem more helpful and nicer to me, I feel more positive, and I definitely seem more lucky in general. It’s as if I’m suddenly attracting good things to happen to me.
I also learned a lot about my own mind, how it works, what drives and motivates it, and how I can control it. I no longer have to be a victim to my own fears and anxieties. I CAN control them, I CAN overcome them, I CAN completely obliterate them.
Read further on why you should Practise Gratitude if you want to become more confident.
15 Ways Keeping a Gratitude Journal Changed My Life
- I am happier
- I am at peace
- I have more self-confidence
- I have higher self-esteem
- I love my life
- I am excited about my future
- I feel genuinely loved
- I believe that I deserve to be loved
- I trust myself
- I trust the Universe
- I have become luckier
- I am kinder
- I am more generous
- I am more likeable
- I am a nicer, better human being than I was before
What does this mean for you?
I hope by now, after reading about my own journey, you are starting to see that this is something you can very easily replicate in your own life.
What I did was not difficult, not really. It might seem so and certainly some of my friends insist that they could never do it. But they’re not there yet, they’re not ready to give it a try, they haven’t yet realised that they have their own power within them that is equal to mine.
I am not unique, what I have done is not unique. There are many others out there who have done what I have done, completed their own journeys to arrive at the same destination as I have, people who are further ahead on the path that I am.
So I ask you, if I can do this, then why not you?
