Elizabeth Gilbert — How to Set Strong Boundaries, Overcome Purpose Anxiety, and Find Your Deep Inner Voice (#770)

“I am good at manifesting what I want, and I’m good at almost dying from getting what I want. So maybe there’s a better question to be asking than ‘What do I want?’”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

Elizabeth Gilbert (@elizabeth_gilbert_writer) is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Big Magic and Eat, Pray, Love as well as several other international bestsellers. She has been a finalist for the National Book Award, the National Book Critics Circle Award, and the PEN/Hemingway Award. Her latest novel, City of Girls, was named an instant New York Times bestseller—a rollicking, sexy tale of the New York City theater world during the 1940s.

Go to ElizabethGilbert.Substack.com to subscribe to “Letters From Love with Elizabeth Gilbert,” her newsletter, which has more than 120,000 subscribers.

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The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.

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Want to hear the first time Elizabeth Gilbert was on the podcast? Have a listen here to our conversation in which we discussed the legs of truth, writing as a source of light, an “interesting” way to defuse drama and trauma, what present Elizabeth endures for future Elizabeth, staying true to one’s inner compass before making commitments, and much more.

What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

• Connect with Elizabeth Gilbert:

Website | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | Newsletter

• Letters From Love with Elizabeth Gilbert | Substack
• City of Girls: A Novel by Elizabeth Gilbert | Amazon
• Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert | Amazon
• Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert | Amazon
• Elizabeth Gilbert’s Creative Path: Saying No, Trusting Your Intuition, Index Cards, Integrity Checks, Grief, Awe, and Much More | The Tim Ferriss Show #430
• The Celtic Prayer of Approach | Elizabeth Gilbert, Facebook
• Jerry Colonna — The Coach with the Spider Tattoo | The Tim Ferriss Show #373
• A House of Prayer for All People | Washington National Cathedral
• Tao Te Ching: A New English Version by Lao Tzu and Stephen Mitchell | Amazon
• Welcome to Letters from Love | Elizabeth Gilbert
• An 11th Step Tool Rediscovered | Two-Way Prayer
• Marco Polo | The Genius of Play
• Song of Myself (1892 Version) | The Poetry Foundation
• Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman | Amazon
• The Artist’s Way Morning Pages Journal: A Companion Volume to the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron | Amazon
• The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron | Amazon
• Chip Conley — Building Empires, Tackling Cancer, and Surfing the Liminal | The Tim Ferriss Show #374
• A Most Beautiful Thing | Prime Video
• A Most Beautiful Thing: The True Story of America’s First All-Black High School Rowing Team by Arshay Cooper | Amazon
• What is Internal Family Systems? | IFS Institute
• Internal Family Systems Therapy, Second Edition by Richard C. Schwartz and Martha Sweezy | Amazon
• Richard Schwartz — IFS, Psychedelic Experiences without Drugs, and Finding Inner Peace for Our Many Parts | The Tim Ferriss Show #492
• Sharon Salzberg, World-Renowned Meditation Teacher | The Tim Ferriss Show #277
• The Self-Hatred Within Us | The On Being Project
• What is Calvinism? | Christianity.com
• Hangman God | The Joyce Project
• Martha Beck — The Amazing and Brutal Results of Zero Lies for 365 Days, How to Do a Beginner “Integrity Cleanse,” Lessons from Lion Trackers, and Novel Tactics for Reducing Anxiety (#732) – The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss
• Growing and Caring for a Bonsai Tree | Bonsai Empire
• Why I Cut Off All My Hair by Elizabeth Gilbert | Oprah Daily
• Bog Witch Aesthetic by Water of Whimsy | Instagram
• Brené Brown — Striving versus Self-Acceptance, Saving Marriages, and More (#409) – The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss
• The Revolution Of The Relaxed Woman | Prudence Henschke
• Eat Pray Love Author Elizabeth Gilbert Mourns Rayya Elias | The Cut
• Newtonian Physics vs. Special Relativity | Futurism
• What is Sufism? | The Threshold Society
• How Physicists Proved the Universe Isn’t Locally Real | Dr. Ben Miles
• Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks on Powerful Books, Mystics, Richard Dawkins, and the Dangers of Safe Spaces | The Tim Ferriss Show #455
• The Paradox of Why by Andrea Mignolo | Medium
• Purpose Anxiety | Life Curator
• Ozymandias by Percy Bysshe Shelley | The Poetry Foundation
• Titan: The Life of John D. Rockefeller, Sr. by Ron Chernow | Amazon
• The New Yorker Cartoons | The Cartoon Bank
• Jackass: The Movie | Prime Video
• Think About Your Death and Live Better | The Atlantic
• Yes, Social Media Really Is Undermining Democracy | The Atlantic
• Letters from Love with Special Guest Toni Collette! | Substack
• Letters from Love with Special Guest Glennon Doyle! | Substack
• Letters from Love with Special Guest Moe Miyahara! | Substack
• Letters from Love with Special Guest BJ Armour! | Substack
• Studio Route 29 | Instagram
• Did Einstein Really Ask If the Universe Was Friendly? | Quora
• The Problem of Religion by Emil Carl Wilm | Google Books
• Anne Lamott on Taming Your Inner Critic, Finding Grace, and Prayer | The Tim Ferriss Show #522
• Radio KFKD | Hypergraffiti

SHOW NOTES

• [00:07:14] No cherished outcomes.
• [00:12:27] Self-compassionate ownership of responsibility.
• [00:17:24] The daily practice of writing letters from love.
• [00:23:54] Two-way prayer vs. one-way prayer.
• [00:32:29] The male approach to this practice.
• [00:35:59] How do you feel toward yourself vs. about yourself?
• [00:38:25] Understanding self-hatred to foster self-friendliness.
• [00:44:52] Setting boundaries and dealing with those who refuse to honor them.
• [00:51:47] Why (and how) Elizabeth avoids big family holiday gatherings.
• [00:53:47] Comfort in solitude.
• [00:55:10] Much abuzz about Elizabeth’s new ‘do.
• [00:59:24] Boundaries, priorities, and mysticism: a relaxed woman as a radical concept.
• [01:05:34] What mysticism brings to Elizabeth’s reality.
• [01:08:58] A better question to ask than “What do I want?”
• [01:11:04] Elizabeth’s hard-ass approach to project commitment.
• [01:18:12] Creativity guidance from Elizabeth’s higher power.
• [01:22:40] How The Morning Pages influenced Eat, Pray, Love.
• [01:25:59] More productive questions to ask than “Why?”
• [01:27:48] The pointlessness of purpose anxiety.
• [01:32:31] Balancing presence with other aspects of a well-lived life.
• [01:37:49] Comfort with mortality.
• [01:41:53] What motivates Elizabeth’s Letters from Love newsletter?
• [01:43:01] What can potential readers expect from this newsletter?
• [01:48:05] “Is the universe friendly?” — Frederic W. H. Myers
• [01:51:01] Parting thoughts.

MORE ELIZABETH GILBERT QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW

“I believe that I am loved beyond measure by a magnificent, complex, amused God who has given me power over practically nothing.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

“Writing gave me the thing that meditation promised, but I could never have it happen in meditation until very recently where time stops or changes, and I’m here but not here.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

“I’m basically a bog witch, just rattling around in a house by myself, talking to myself, watering my plants, shaving my head, and it’s so cool.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

“What if I’m not on duty all the time? What if I’m only on duty sometimes and I have to follow a deep inner voice that tells me when that is and what that is, and everything else, you all can take care of yourselves?”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

“Martial artists know that the most relaxed person in the room wins the fight.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

“I’ve narrowed it down to three things that I need for me, for my system to be relaxed. It’s boundaries, priorities, and mysticism.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

“I am good at manifesting what I want, and I’m good at almost dying from getting what I want. So maybe there’s a better question to be asking than ‘What do I want?’”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

“I think ‘It’s hard’ is a really good way to start with self-compassion.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

“It’s a very difficult thing to have a human incarnation. This is not an easy ride. Even a good life is a hard life.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

“Who told you you were supposed to get it right straight out of the gate? Who told you you were supposed to get it right seven out of seven days or that you’re constantly supposed to be improving like a Fortune 500 company, constantly going in this upward angle direction, a certain percentage every quarter? There’s billions of systems operating within your body alone, hormonal systems and chemical systems and viruses and bacteria. We’re such a complex mechanism, it’s so hard to figure out how to operate one of these things. I do really well in solitude, I can get this thing humming. I can get this machine and this mind and this heart where we are at a beautiful hum, but the instant you throw another complex human mechanism into my field, then I’ve got to adapt to their chemistry, and it’s hard.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

“I’m much, much, much more afraid of people not liking me than I am of dying. And that’s what I have to suffer with more, is to try to figure out how to disappoint people and say no to people and set boundaries with people that they can survive it and I can survive. This is my work in this lifetime. But death, to me, it doesn’t keep me up at night.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert

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