Retirement. The mythical Promised Land where every day is a Saturday. No more punching the clock, no more staff meetings, no more pretending to be interested in Sharon’s photos from her third trip to Dollywood.
Retirement is often presented like a montage from a pharmaceutical ad: biking through scenic parks with a face radiating pure joy, like you just swallowed a bottle of sunshine.
And it can be like that. For a little while. Um, in the beginning, at least…
In year 1 of retirement, healthy retirees rate their overall quality of life slightly higher than those who are still working… But very quickly, somewhere between years 1 and 2, retirees hit a low point. Their overall quality-of-life ratings fall sharply, down to almost half that of those retired one year or less and those still working. Beginning in year 3, their quality-of-life perceptions start to recover—but only slowly—and it’s not until they are eight or more years into retirement that we finally see their ratings improve to when they were still working.
So for the first year you’re practically bouncing around with glee, acting like you’ve just escaped from Shawshank. But not too soon after, it often turns into the adult version of being grounded.
Yes, in the mystical, final level of life’s video game the reward is… having absolutely no idea what the heck to do with yourself. For many people it turns into a very long, very boring layover in the world’s dullest airport. You’re standing in your living room at 10 a.m., wondering if it’s socially acceptable to start drinking before The View is over.
“75% of preretirees believe they will find their lives satisfying in retirement, but only 54% of retirees had that experience.”
Huh? This is retirement, the big finale, the grand climax, and you’re telling me the satisfaction rate is lower than an airline’s approval rating? Turns out, “endless free time” is only fun when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
In fact, for many, after the first two years of retirement, they experience something similar to mild depression: “weakened self-esteem, a loss of direction and purpose, and much-reduced levels of motivation and open-mindedness. Relative to those in the workforce, retirees as a group are much less likely to believe their lives have been a success, to feel they are useful or productive, or to be optimistic about their futures.”
Wow, nobody mentions the existential crisis that comes free with your senior discount. Sure, sitting around in a robe all day is fun occasionally. But wear it every day, and you’re not enjoying life; you’re slowly turning into a sad, velour ghost haunting your own house.
Nobody talks about the fact that retirement isn’t just about stopping work — it’s about starting a whole new chapter of your life. Because if you’re not careful, retirement might just turn out to be the biggest disappointment since that last season of Game of Thrones.
So how do we avoid this? How do you make sure your idea of excitement isn’t bingo night with extra-large font cards? We’re going to draw on research from two books: “The Retirement Maze” and “The New Retirementality.”
Let’s get to it…
Retirement Is Quite New. And Poorly Defined.
A little history lesson: the whole concept of retirement is a modern invention, like dogs in Halloween costumes. For most of human history, the concept of retiring was about as plausible as time travel. You didn’t “retire” from anything. You just worked until you died or were incapacitated by a tragic scythe-related accident while harvesting wheat for your feudal lord.
Back then, there was no concept of “companies” or “careers” like we have today. You were just a blacksmith or a farmer or that guy who sold dubious healing elixirs out of a cart. Then came the Industrial Revolution, and big companies with factories sprang up, filled with these bizarre contraptions called “machines” that didn’t age or demand better wages. Employers quickly realized that older workers, who had spent their lives twisting bolts and inhaling industrial soot, weren’t exactly spry by the time they hit 60.
Management thought, “What if we just… paid them to go away?” Thus, the concept of retirement was born, not out of compassion, but as a corporate efficiency maneuver. “Thanks for the memories. Don’t let the steam engine hit you on the way out.”
As Mitch Anthony writes, “The truth is that we have created a new stage of life but have not yet envisioned its purpose, meaning, and opportunities, and the space is being filled with our fears.”
What is retirement? For many it ends up being just a blank space where your job used to be.
(To learn how to keep your memory strong as you age, click here.)
Okay, how do we avoid this fate?
Have A Plan Beyond Finances
Truth is, you didn’t just leave your job; you left a whole ecosystem that, for better or worse, gave your life structure. Without it, you’re just floating, trying to convince yourself that you’re free when really you’re just… adrift. You were so obsessed with what you’re retiring from, you haven’t thought about what you’re retiring to.
Basically, you need to rebuild your life, replacing the structure and purpose that you lose when you leave the workforce. You need some plans and they better not merely be “travel” because (if you’re lucky) you’re going to be retired for a long time.
Problem is, most people don’t make plans. Fewer than 4 in 10 put even a moderate amount of effort into it. And when you drill down, most of that is just financial planning. Less than 5% of people really ask themselves, “What the heck am I going to do with all this time?” They should, because most people’s plans for post-career life are as well-thought-out as a five-year-old’s fantasy about being a dinosaur astronaut.
Obviously, I’m not saying financial planning isn’t important. Nobody wants to be 70 living in a tent under an overpass like a very disturbing version of “The Golden Girls.”
But according to the 2017 Generations Ahead Study, a solid 62% of us are more afraid of running out of money in retirement than of, you know, death. Let that sink in. More Americans are afraid of living than dying. If this isn’t the most on-brand example of 21st-century neurosis, I don’t know what is. You should be planning for your happiness in retirement just as much as you’re planning for your finances.
And if one more person says, “Retirement is about relaxation,” I swear to God I will retire their head from their shoulders. What happens to people who have that attitude? “We found them less satisfied with their lives and their retirement, less happy with their social lives, and making less rewarding use of their time. Psychologically, they feel less socially connected, less productive and valued, less confident, less optimistic about the future and much less motivated compared to those who consider retirement to be a time to pursue new goals.”
Shocking as it may sound, having a reason to live keeps you from dying: “Living purposefully makes you 52% less likely to develop Alzheimer’s, prevents strokes by as much as 44%, and reduces the chances of a cardiovascular event by 19%.”
So please, for the love of all that’s holy, plan your retirement like you’re planning a sequel to your life. Dare I say, treat it like a job — yes, that thing you were so excited about leaving. You need goals, structure and routine. Think about what actually fulfills you — not just in a “this is pleasant” way, but in a way that makes you feel alive.
(To learn how to keep your brain sharp as you age, click here.)
Ever thought that when you retire you might miss your job? That’s okay. In fact, you’re not alone…
You May Want To Keep Working
People love to complain about work, but they forget that even the most soul-crushing job provides some basic human needs: routine, relationships, and a sense of importance. It forces you to wear pants. You have a place to be and a reason to get up in the morning, even if that reason was just so you could complain about it later.
Yes, people actually miss their jobs once they’re gone. This is the biggest plot twist since “The Sixth Sense.” 36% of people miss their jobs — and that’s among new retirees in the early bliss stage. Later, that number increases to 45% and doesn’t decline even eleven or more years into retirement.
Increasingly, people want to keep working – even though they don’t need to. A Gallup poll showed the percentage of retirees who wanted to work part time has risen from 34% to 44% while the number who needed to dropped from 26% to 18%. It’s like you broke out of prison and then crawled back under the fence because the schedule’s predictable and you look good in an orange jumpsuit.
(To learn how to age more gracefully, click here.)
Okay, maybe you don’t want to work but it’s still clear you need to do something to occupy your time…
Get A Hobby
Sitting on your couch watching TV like a taxidermied version of yourself is not a plan. Research shows people who do this adjust less well to retirement. You need a hobby, a project, something you feel passionate about.
What provides a really big boost? Studies show the emotional payoff of volunteering is twice that of what hobbies provide. You may not be thrilled by the idea of folding donated clothes in a poorly lit church basement but retirees who volunteered reported high levels of satisfaction and lower likelihood of depression.
What else delivers a big payoff? Exercise. According to the American Gerontological Association — yes, the people who get paid to make sure you’re not dead too soon — exercise is directly related to successful aging. “Three hours of exercise a week can increase your lifespan by five years,” they say. (Yes, this statement is essentially a threat disguised as a health tip.)
A third of retirees claim to exercise regularly but that number is 41% among happier folks and 22% among the less happy. Yeah, yeah, correlation is not causation but maybe you should skip watching local government meetings on TV and go to the gym.
(To learn how to be healthier, click here.)
Oh, and there’s that other huge factor to keep in mind: other people…
Get Social
When you retire, time spent with friends drops by almost 50%. Your social circle is now more of a social dot. This isn’t a perpetual vacation—it’s a castaway situation without a volleyball named Wilson to keep you company.
You need people time. On average, retirees who are happier report having twenty friends in their social circle while unhappy retirees have about thirteen. 61% of people who spent a lot of time with friends reported enjoying retirement while only 47% of people who spent less time with pals said they were happy.
What about marriages? Brass tacks: after you exit the workforce, happy marriages get happier and unhappy marriages, uh… get worse. According to Pew Research center, between 1990 and 2015, divorce rates for people over 50 have increased by 109%.
When you’re employed, your partner’s “quirks” might be mildly annoying, but you let it go because you have other concerns like making a living. Well, guess what? Now you’re both home. Together. All. The. Time.
You wanted an extra 4 hours together, but you got 40. If your marriage has been held together by duct tape and the illusion of “quality time” being synonymous with “spending a polite 45 minutes at dinner before retreating to separate Netflix accounts,” you’re in trouble.
So have a discussion with your partner about what your vision of retirement looks like. Get on the same page and start resolving any issues in your marriage now unless you want to be the subject of a true crime podcast.
(To learn how to make friends as an adult, click here.)
Alright, time to round it all up – and learn the easiest way to help prevent dementia…
Sum Up
Here’s how to have a happy retirement…
- Have A Plan Beyond Finances: Plan for the time, not just the money. You’re going to need structure, activities, some semblance of a reason to get out of bed in the morning that isn’t just “I need to pee.”
- You May Want To Keep Working: Many people do. You’ll miss having something to do other than waiting for the mail, hoping that today’s the day your Netflix DVD arrives because you’re the only person left on the planet still using that service.
- Get A Hobby: No, you aren’t going to befriend a quirky group of local eccentrics and solve murders like in a BBC drama. You need something you’re passionate about.
- Get Social: Retirement often means a bizarre form of social phantom limb syndrome. Have friends, see them often, and resolve any ongoing issues with your partner.
According to a study from the Yale School of Public Health, your attitude toward your age is one of the biggest issues influencing your longevity and your chance of cognitive decline.
If you believe that getting older means becoming a “wise elder”, your brain might just decide to stick around for a few extra innings.
And this attitude may even be more powerful than genetics. You could be the proud owner of the APOE4 gene, otherwise known as “Dementia’s Little Helper,” and you’re still less likely to get the disease if you see getting older as something good. Appreciate the upside of those gray hairs and your brain is less likely to turn into a smoothie.
Retirement is not the promised land — it’s just the beginning of another journey. Forget those “40 under 40” lists. Aspire to be someone worthy of being on a “90 over 90” list. Someone who genuinely believes that getting older means “thriving,” not just “surviving.”
And if you’re young and retirement is a long time from now, keep in mind that the real dream isn’t about quitting work altogether. It’s about quitting the kind of work that makes you dream of quitting. It’s about creating a life where you can spend your time doing what you love.
Stop hitting the snooze button on your dreams. Rethink your vision of work and retirement. Let’s create lives where we don’t feel like we need to escape.